I am so despondent right now. I have been working on this new life for about three weeks now and YES I do feel better, I am 30-32 pounds lighter, but I just took a 3 week pic, and other than my new hair color, I look exactly the same.
Being fat sucks really bad. There is so much humiliation for us in the world. It creates a "shame spiral". If you are an emotional eater like I am, this is disaster. Imagine walking into a buffet with your family or friends and seeing the people just stare at you. I am not talking the Golden Corral in WVC, UT - you may be accepted there, but try the same move in the Palms or Planet Hollywood. You can actually hear their thoughts of disgust and jokes.
I can hear my dad right now, it shouldn't matter to you what they think. BUT IT DOES. it makes me feel low, and so i eat more than I wanted, just giving into their jokes. Hell, even being fat and ordering a healthy salad and a diet Coke gives them something to laugh about.
People are cruel, being fat sucks. These are two truths. One major difference I have made is that I have the responsibility to respond to this either in the positive or the negative. I can't ignore it, because it is out there.
SO, I do the best that i can and just remind myself that yes, I am fat, but I am making a change - these other people are idiots, and there is nothing they can do about that. suck it idiots.
It is hard, I agree. I hate being fat, too. PD was telling me about some cute girls the other day and I said I wanted to be one of the cute girls. Without missing a beat, he said, "Oh no, Sedge. You can't - you're too fat" He said it in honesty and I know he didn't mean it in any other way than it was true to his thinking, there was no malice in it at all, but it did hurt my feelings. It did make up my mind to work a little harder at getting more exercise and doing the right things to make me healthier but I understand the hurt. Hang in there, it may take 32 more pounds but I guarantee if you keep doing what's right for your body and forget the ego part, you'll see an improvement. I'm making the same promise to myself. Love You.
ReplyDeleteLove you too AJ, I am sorry Mr. D is speaking like a child, but you are right, he meant no malice of course.
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