I am so despondent right now. I have been working on this new life for about three weeks now and YES I do feel better, I am 30-32 pounds lighter, but I just took a 3 week pic, and other than my new hair color, I look exactly the same.
Being fat sucks really bad. There is so much humiliation for us in the world. It creates a "shame spiral". If you are an emotional eater like I am, this is disaster. Imagine walking into a buffet with your family or friends and seeing the people just stare at you. I am not talking the Golden Corral in WVC, UT - you may be accepted there, but try the same move in the Palms or Planet Hollywood. You can actually hear their thoughts of disgust and jokes.
I can hear my dad right now, it shouldn't matter to you what they think. BUT IT DOES. it makes me feel low, and so i eat more than I wanted, just giving into their jokes. Hell, even being fat and ordering a healthy salad and a diet Coke gives them something to laugh about.
People are cruel, being fat sucks. These are two truths. One major difference I have made is that I have the responsibility to respond to this either in the positive or the negative. I can't ignore it, because it is out there.
SO, I do the best that i can and just remind myself that yes, I am fat, but I am making a change - these other people are idiots, and there is nothing they can do about that. suck it idiots.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
May 23
Sometimes we can surprise ourselves. For example, last week my morale and attitude were pretty low. I felt a struggle since my diabetes diagnosis and wonder sometimes if all of this is actually worth it. Then, On a whim, i got on my bosses scale and saw 342 pounds. This is a total loss of 23 pounds, and about 13 since my doctor appointment just under a month ago.
Needless to say, this was a surprise, because honestly, I felt I have only been giving 75%. But still with that effort i have lost. So happy and surprised on one side, but a little amazed at what could happen if I gave 100%.
My plan for tomorrow is that I am going to give 100% if not more. I want to see what I can do over the next week or two. Plan on good news : )
Today Alex and i spent some time beginning our new patio garden, its one of the new hobbies I want to try. I only have some herbs and a tomato plant, but its a start. Its been a hectic weekend that we got a lot done the; the majority of the house is clean.
We also went and saw Hot Tub Time Machine. It was hilarious. If you were born around the same time as me, so much in this movie will make you laugh; from the evil ski patrol guy to the soundtrack. Rob Courdry continues to solidify himself as one of the funniest actors. Its vulgar, but worth it, just leave the kids at home.
Needless to say, this was a surprise, because honestly, I felt I have only been giving 75%. But still with that effort i have lost. So happy and surprised on one side, but a little amazed at what could happen if I gave 100%.
My plan for tomorrow is that I am going to give 100% if not more. I want to see what I can do over the next week or two. Plan on good news : )
Today Alex and i spent some time beginning our new patio garden, its one of the new hobbies I want to try. I only have some herbs and a tomato plant, but its a start. Its been a hectic weekend that we got a lot done the; the majority of the house is clean.
We also went and saw Hot Tub Time Machine. It was hilarious. If you were born around the same time as me, so much in this movie will make you laugh; from the evil ski patrol guy to the soundtrack. Rob Courdry continues to solidify himself as one of the funniest actors. Its vulgar, but worth it, just leave the kids at home.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
may 19
I am scared.
I didn’t even know if I should blog this or not.
I guess that is why I have been gone or so long.
It’s been about 4 weeks since my diagnosis of diabetes.
I feel like we have caught it early enough that I can do things to reverse most of the symptoms.
However, I am overwhelmed.
I am tremendously frustrated at my progress.
To be certain, I have lost weight and I am feeling 100 times better, but I am still so large that it disgusts me to look in the mirror.
I have over 170 pounds to lose, that is a whole person!
I am not sure of my weight because I have not been to the doctor, or LVAC with the scale, I am going tonight.
Out of fear, and being overwhelmed, as well as a mild fiduciary need, I have postponed some of my NEEDED doctors tests, regarding my heart.
It costs a lot to be unhealthy, but I believe it’s better than being dead.
Its just another struggle I will have to face along the way, hundreds of dollars a month in healthcare needs.
The fiduciary thing, I can conceptualize, but the realization of the ECG and Stress test scare me out of my wits.
What happens if they tell me I am not supposed to hike or run or bike or climb any more?
Then what?
What is there to live for?
Another of my fears is my own expectation.
Can I do this?
Its more than just words people, it’s not as easy as a poster on the wall or someone saying that I can do this.
If I could do this on my own, I would have never gotten to 362 pounds.
That I certainly CAN do, losing it and getting in health, I am afraid of.
I am not the strongest person in the world, and I have been super down this week.
I have been dragging my chin and have had some really dark thoughts about my life and my future.
Today though, even with all of the negativity, I am choosing to start anew right now, and face these challenges.
I am going to fake it if I have to, until I DO make it.
Go through the motions even if it hurts.
There has to be some way over this hump, and if this is the only way, so be it.
My advice for the day is to not give up on yourself, even if those around you don’t count on your abilities.
I didn’t even know if I should blog this or not.
I guess that is why I have been gone or so long.
It’s been about 4 weeks since my diagnosis of diabetes.
I feel like we have caught it early enough that I can do things to reverse most of the symptoms.
However, I am overwhelmed.
I am tremendously frustrated at my progress.
To be certain, I have lost weight and I am feeling 100 times better, but I am still so large that it disgusts me to look in the mirror.
I have over 170 pounds to lose, that is a whole person!
I am not sure of my weight because I have not been to the doctor, or LVAC with the scale, I am going tonight.
Out of fear, and being overwhelmed, as well as a mild fiduciary need, I have postponed some of my NEEDED doctors tests, regarding my heart.
It costs a lot to be unhealthy, but I believe it’s better than being dead.
Its just another struggle I will have to face along the way, hundreds of dollars a month in healthcare needs.
The fiduciary thing, I can conceptualize, but the realization of the ECG and Stress test scare me out of my wits.
What happens if they tell me I am not supposed to hike or run or bike or climb any more?
Then what?
What is there to live for?
Another of my fears is my own expectation.
Can I do this?
Its more than just words people, it’s not as easy as a poster on the wall or someone saying that I can do this.
If I could do this on my own, I would have never gotten to 362 pounds.
That I certainly CAN do, losing it and getting in health, I am afraid of.
I am not the strongest person in the world, and I have been super down this week.
I have been dragging my chin and have had some really dark thoughts about my life and my future.
Today though, even with all of the negativity, I am choosing to start anew right now, and face these challenges.
I am going to fake it if I have to, until I DO make it.
Go through the motions even if it hurts.
There has to be some way over this hump, and if this is the only way, so be it.
My advice for the day is to not give up on yourself, even if those around you don’t count on your abilities.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
may 12
My goal is to be the best I can be.
If that is me at 250 pounds, 160 pounds, I will still need to learn to be happy in my own skin.
I have certainly learned to appreciate more in this world.
For a certainty, my illnesses have taken years off of my life – The only blessing is that Hildebrand’s seem to live a long time anyway, so maybe that’s not so bad.
It is true that diet, exercise, attitude, mental health and liking myself will add back some, but damage has been done and it is a face I have come to understand in a short time.
I have diabetes, I will always have diabetes.
I have a heart condition, I will always have a heart condition.
But, I believe.
Believe is a strong word, take out the letters “e” and you have blive. Blive by itself doesn’t mean much, but if you take the ‘b’ of and add ‘Ichooseto’ to the front of the word, you get ‘Ichoosetolive’, add a few spaces and finally, ‘I choose to live”. Wow, powerful, all from a belief. I can live with these illnesses and I can rock climb again, I can boat again, I can run again. Impossible.
I have seen the best and worst of man in the last few days. Two men outside, sitting on the curb of a Rebel gas station drinking from their bottles. Shirtless, scruffy, tanned.
Drinking and arguing about where they are going to get work. Along came a child and I couldn’t hear what the child said, but one of the men came to his feet, yelled at the boy to go home and “ask his damn mother, I am busy’. It broke my heart.
This morning, driving through a nasty part of my neighborhood I passed a Muslim woman in full burka, it was beautiful to see, flowing blue fabric. She stood with her child and waited for the bus. You could see the strength in her, defiant even in this nasty part of town – but perhaps she has seen worse.
I want that strength of character. It comes from doing right all the time; that is hard to do, for sure, but we should try. I am going to try, if not for my sake, but for my kids.
Much love today.
If that is me at 250 pounds, 160 pounds, I will still need to learn to be happy in my own skin.
I have certainly learned to appreciate more in this world.
For a certainty, my illnesses have taken years off of my life – The only blessing is that Hildebrand’s seem to live a long time anyway, so maybe that’s not so bad.
It is true that diet, exercise, attitude, mental health and liking myself will add back some, but damage has been done and it is a face I have come to understand in a short time.
I have diabetes, I will always have diabetes.
I have a heart condition, I will always have a heart condition.
But, I believe.
Believe is a strong word, take out the letters “e” and you have blive. Blive by itself doesn’t mean much, but if you take the ‘b’ of and add ‘Ichooseto’ to the front of the word, you get ‘Ichoosetolive’, add a few spaces and finally, ‘I choose to live”. Wow, powerful, all from a belief. I can live with these illnesses and I can rock climb again, I can boat again, I can run again. Impossible.
I have seen the best and worst of man in the last few days. Two men outside, sitting on the curb of a Rebel gas station drinking from their bottles. Shirtless, scruffy, tanned.
Drinking and arguing about where they are going to get work. Along came a child and I couldn’t hear what the child said, but one of the men came to his feet, yelled at the boy to go home and “ask his damn mother, I am busy’. It broke my heart.
This morning, driving through a nasty part of my neighborhood I passed a Muslim woman in full burka, it was beautiful to see, flowing blue fabric. She stood with her child and waited for the bus. You could see the strength in her, defiant even in this nasty part of town – but perhaps she has seen worse.
I want that strength of character. It comes from doing right all the time; that is hard to do, for sure, but we should try. I am going to try, if not for my sake, but for my kids.
Much love today.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
My Mixtape, Part 1
I was driving into work today, sipping my home-made all fruit smoothie (8 oz non-fat milk, 1 whole frozen banana cut, 3 frozen strawberries and 4 mango pieces on blend for 45 seconds.
Mmm Mmmm), thinking about how far I have to go and that this week has been a struggle as I try to find my feet and define this project outside of just a blog about another fatty losing weight.
A song came on the radio called Cannonball by the Breeders (fronted by Kim Deal), which came out circa early nineties.
The song, lyrically made no sense to me (“I know you / You Cuckoo / You cannonball”) at the time, but as I have gotten older it has more meaning to me, but I digress, the silliness of the song is what got me thinking.
A lot of people have impacted my life in so many ways, but there are a very fine handful that have steered me into the man I am and the man I still want to be.
Of course take my kids and parents out of the equation, they have a story yet to be posted, but this one is not about them.
A song has a way of delivering you to a very specific place in time, if it is strong enough, so strong you can feel and smell the emotion and electricity in the air all over again, so much you get goose bumps, like I have now recalling and had this morning when the song came on.
I don’t believe in soul mates or “the one”; I do believe in strong compatibility and though the recent events of my life tell me that even that is a lie, I hold firmly to the fact that even though they never meet, the probability of there being someone out there who is so compatible with you, that it makes your life stronger.
I think I had met and lost this person in my life.
Since her, I have loved tremendously strong, so much that I though my life would end when the relationship did; but none have had the pure raw emotional impact in my life, and so ground-bracingly shook me as Janet Duckworth.
I met Janet first, from afar, we both worked for the City of Salt Lake over a summer long ago – but not together, I was trimming some needled bush at Fairmont park and saw a few girls and guys raking rotten leaves along the fence line.
She was one of them, I pointed her out to my friend James and he knew her from our high school; they were both Juniors while I was a sophomore.
Instantly, I was attracted.
Janet does not have the looks of a runway model; she was more beautiful than that.
She had the plain looks of the girl next-door meets Jane Goodall (another of my fav’s), and the smarts to match (her senior year she was Sterling Scholar Sciences).
Our first day back to school, my junior year, we ended up having a class together, Cultural Anthropology with Mr. Brown.
Her very first words to me were, and I remember them in total to this day, “Weren’t you the dumbass who crashed one of the city trucks?”
Indeed I was that dumbass.
Over the course of the next few weeks, we disagreed over anthropology, literature and music.
Eventually we started hanging out after school s a foursome with James and their friend Kathy (Cathy?) Bills.
This turned into Janet and I hanging out as “friends” more and more alone.
I was falling madly in love with her, as much as any 16 year old knows what love is (despite the current pop trend leading us to believe that 14 year old children should be out hitting that).
Janet and I would sit in her mother’s room watching movies and arguing over music.
I was desperately trying to hang on to my urban cultural vibe, not unlike a certain Rob Van Winkle, while she was into the music of ex-front man of Genesis Peter Gabriel.
I couldn’t stand that crap.
But we would talk well into the night, sneaking drinks of Schnapps (peppermint) or whatever else was around until her mom would come home and realize I was still there and she would politely remind Janet it was time for me to go home.
The defining night of my teenage years, to that point, came on a night like this.
But something different happened.
I had never mentioned to Janet how I cared for he, and of course, she was never going to admit the same; it almost seemed like any foray into “dating” would ruin the friendship and the relationship as a whole, so I stayed back from that.
This night though something happened.
The song Cannonball came on the radio, and we started howling with laughter as we both started singing, “I’ll be the bong / in this reggae song!”.
Janet thought this was the most ridiculous song she had ever heard, but later on it became our anthem, our memory.
It has made its way into a lot of mixes and sits on my iPod to this day.
We had finished of the Schnapps hours ago and were settling into a playful game of tag, for whatever reason, around her house – sobering up, but blaring the music (which was the Breeders, we had it on loop apparently), laughing and running.
Well, I fell.
I rolled over onto my back and next thing I knew dear Penthouse…. just kidding…. next thing I knew, Janet was pinning me to the ground and asking me if I had ever played ten things.
I asked her what the hell that was and she replied I had to name ten things of her choosing or there was to be a penalty.
SO, she chose fruit.
Of I went; Apple, Orange, Grape, Grapefruit, Strawberry, Banana, Blackberry, Blueberry, Kiwi and my mind went blank with one more to go, I fought hard, as I didn’t want this damn penalty she spoke of.
I thought with genius, Tangelo!
This is a real fruit, look it up.
Janet’s reply was that she had never heard of it and I lose.
She lowered her face to mine and pressed her lips against my own.
She was kissing me.
Me?
Yes, the electricity charged thorough me.
I had never been truly kissed before.
I have been kissed since, I have been kissed with desire, with passion, with contempt; I have been kissed hello and goodbye.
The sweetness of this first, fumbling, innocent, short kiss melts my heart every time I think of it; no kiss has EVER measured up to my first kiss when I was 16.
There is more to the story, but I have rambled on for nearly two pages in Word.
I will post some more soon, when I can get past the good thoughts and tell the real story of how this went from there.
I do have a long journey ahead, but the choices I have made, the roads I have travelled have made me, for good or bad.
Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go listen to the greatest hits of my favorite artist, Peter Gabriel, “So”.
Mmm Mmmm), thinking about how far I have to go and that this week has been a struggle as I try to find my feet and define this project outside of just a blog about another fatty losing weight.
A song came on the radio called Cannonball by the Breeders (fronted by Kim Deal), which came out circa early nineties.
The song, lyrically made no sense to me (“I know you / You Cuckoo / You cannonball”) at the time, but as I have gotten older it has more meaning to me, but I digress, the silliness of the song is what got me thinking.
A lot of people have impacted my life in so many ways, but there are a very fine handful that have steered me into the man I am and the man I still want to be.
Of course take my kids and parents out of the equation, they have a story yet to be posted, but this one is not about them.
A song has a way of delivering you to a very specific place in time, if it is strong enough, so strong you can feel and smell the emotion and electricity in the air all over again, so much you get goose bumps, like I have now recalling and had this morning when the song came on.
I don’t believe in soul mates or “the one”; I do believe in strong compatibility and though the recent events of my life tell me that even that is a lie, I hold firmly to the fact that even though they never meet, the probability of there being someone out there who is so compatible with you, that it makes your life stronger.
I think I had met and lost this person in my life.
Since her, I have loved tremendously strong, so much that I though my life would end when the relationship did; but none have had the pure raw emotional impact in my life, and so ground-bracingly shook me as Janet Duckworth.
I met Janet first, from afar, we both worked for the City of Salt Lake over a summer long ago – but not together, I was trimming some needled bush at Fairmont park and saw a few girls and guys raking rotten leaves along the fence line.
She was one of them, I pointed her out to my friend James and he knew her from our high school; they were both Juniors while I was a sophomore.
Instantly, I was attracted.
Janet does not have the looks of a runway model; she was more beautiful than that.
She had the plain looks of the girl next-door meets Jane Goodall (another of my fav’s), and the smarts to match (her senior year she was Sterling Scholar Sciences).
Our first day back to school, my junior year, we ended up having a class together, Cultural Anthropology with Mr. Brown.
Her very first words to me were, and I remember them in total to this day, “Weren’t you the dumbass who crashed one of the city trucks?”
Indeed I was that dumbass.
Over the course of the next few weeks, we disagreed over anthropology, literature and music.
Eventually we started hanging out after school s a foursome with James and their friend Kathy (Cathy?) Bills.
This turned into Janet and I hanging out as “friends” more and more alone.
I was falling madly in love with her, as much as any 16 year old knows what love is (despite the current pop trend leading us to believe that 14 year old children should be out hitting that).
Janet and I would sit in her mother’s room watching movies and arguing over music.
I was desperately trying to hang on to my urban cultural vibe, not unlike a certain Rob Van Winkle, while she was into the music of ex-front man of Genesis Peter Gabriel.
I couldn’t stand that crap.
But we would talk well into the night, sneaking drinks of Schnapps (peppermint) or whatever else was around until her mom would come home and realize I was still there and she would politely remind Janet it was time for me to go home.
The defining night of my teenage years, to that point, came on a night like this.
But something different happened.
I had never mentioned to Janet how I cared for he, and of course, she was never going to admit the same; it almost seemed like any foray into “dating” would ruin the friendship and the relationship as a whole, so I stayed back from that.
This night though something happened.
The song Cannonball came on the radio, and we started howling with laughter as we both started singing, “I’ll be the bong / in this reggae song!”.
Janet thought this was the most ridiculous song she had ever heard, but later on it became our anthem, our memory.
It has made its way into a lot of mixes and sits on my iPod to this day.
We had finished of the Schnapps hours ago and were settling into a playful game of tag, for whatever reason, around her house – sobering up, but blaring the music (which was the Breeders, we had it on loop apparently), laughing and running.
Well, I fell.
I rolled over onto my back and next thing I knew dear Penthouse…. just kidding…. next thing I knew, Janet was pinning me to the ground and asking me if I had ever played ten things.
I asked her what the hell that was and she replied I had to name ten things of her choosing or there was to be a penalty.
SO, she chose fruit.
Of I went; Apple, Orange, Grape, Grapefruit, Strawberry, Banana, Blackberry, Blueberry, Kiwi and my mind went blank with one more to go, I fought hard, as I didn’t want this damn penalty she spoke of.
I thought with genius, Tangelo!
This is a real fruit, look it up.
Janet’s reply was that she had never heard of it and I lose.
She lowered her face to mine and pressed her lips against my own.
She was kissing me.
Me?
Yes, the electricity charged thorough me.
I had never been truly kissed before.
I have been kissed since, I have been kissed with desire, with passion, with contempt; I have been kissed hello and goodbye.
The sweetness of this first, fumbling, innocent, short kiss melts my heart every time I think of it; no kiss has EVER measured up to my first kiss when I was 16.
There is more to the story, but I have rambled on for nearly two pages in Word.
I will post some more soon, when I can get past the good thoughts and tell the real story of how this went from there.
I do have a long journey ahead, but the choices I have made, the roads I have travelled have made me, for good or bad.
Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go listen to the greatest hits of my favorite artist, Peter Gabriel, “So”.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
May 6 - Day 4
I have been doing 'alright' with my diet and exercise. I haven't been to my diabetes lass yet, that's coming soon. Too funny that I get diagnosed and have to wait over month to learn how to live with it. There are some basics I know; lower my carbs, less process food, limit added sugar, increase activity and try to eat at the same time daily.
I mention I am doing OK, nut i still am an emotional/celebratory eater. For example, last night I had plans to go do an easy full body circuit and then come home to a nice piece of salmon and veggies. Well, then I did a triple Lindsey off of the store curb, making sure i could barely walk and of course since it was Cinco de Mayo, that called for enchiladas and chips/salsa. Good job Mike, no wonder I have such a headache today.
I need to step it up; of course, my injury is legit, but that means I have to knock it up a few notches for my eating, to offset my inability for Cardio. Tonight i AM going to go do lower body, I hope! Great workout upper body a few nights ago, still feel it.
Soon, i will be moving to my own website, where I am going to push some marketing tools along as well, watch for it!
I mention I am doing OK, nut i still am an emotional/celebratory eater. For example, last night I had plans to go do an easy full body circuit and then come home to a nice piece of salmon and veggies. Well, then I did a triple Lindsey off of the store curb, making sure i could barely walk and of course since it was Cinco de Mayo, that called for enchiladas and chips/salsa. Good job Mike, no wonder I have such a headache today.
I need to step it up; of course, my injury is legit, but that means I have to knock it up a few notches for my eating, to offset my inability for Cardio. Tonight i AM going to go do lower body, I hope! Great workout upper body a few nights ago, still feel it.
Soon, i will be moving to my own website, where I am going to push some marketing tools along as well, watch for it!
Monday, May 3, 2010
May 3 - Day 1
This blog, as I sat and thought about it last night, is not only about my weight loss; but rather coming to grips with being single as a full fledge adult. I am now a 37-year-old man, father of two, with one becoming a man himself. The rules of living my life are not the same as they were when I met Melanie at 29.
I look at so many of my mentors, family and friends who for one reason or another are alone at my age or older, and they seem so content on the outside (whether or not true, there seems to be a sense of comfort that I cannot comprehend).
All my life I have been taught through previous religious affiliation, television, radio and other media that I am supposed to end up with SOMEONE, or there must be a major problem with me. This pulls me in two directions, something seems fundamentally wrong with that statement, yet at the same time I have been indoctrinated to believe it.
Long story short, this blog is about growth (and loss : ) ), and strength and what inspires me and those that I come in contact with along the way in relation to my weight loss, my health concerns and my struggle to find the ultimate hobby to replace my soul mate.
Basically I am 37 years old and I want to find myself after all these years.
So, for the weight loss, today is day one. I don’t consider what I’m doing as a diet even though it has the extremity of one to me, compared to how I use to eat. I am going to limit my red-meat intake to once each week. Second, I am going to eat fish at least once per week and chicken once as well. I have already been doing well with fruits and veggies, but am going to amp that up as well.
What is gone? As many processed foods as possible (the more hands that touched them the worse off), fast food, added sugars and my favorite, soda.
I am also planning on working out 4 times each week for now. I am too big to commit to anything else, but the ultimate goal is to become triathlon ready (half-iron) and this 4 times a week is not going to cut it. I honestly believe I can safely lose 3 pounds a week through proper diet and exercise. In one year this adds up to 156 pounds, which puts me right at 200 pounds.
I think this is the perfect weight to train for a half-iron, giving me 6 months to ready myself. Now remember, along the way, a lot of my exercises will already be gearing m toward the tri, but the last 6 months will focus me in, including running a sprint level and a couple of 5k’, running will be my weakness.
Over the course of the next few months, I see myself upping to 6 workouts weekly and an active rest day to enjoy Vegas by hiking, rafting, boating, and walking the strip, whatever. I also see trying a plethora of hobby’s; building, painting, writing – you name it.
I hope that something along the way excites me and helps me be the entire package.
And man, I cannot wait to grow the goatee back.
I look at so many of my mentors, family and friends who for one reason or another are alone at my age or older, and they seem so content on the outside (whether or not true, there seems to be a sense of comfort that I cannot comprehend).
All my life I have been taught through previous religious affiliation, television, radio and other media that I am supposed to end up with SOMEONE, or there must be a major problem with me. This pulls me in two directions, something seems fundamentally wrong with that statement, yet at the same time I have been indoctrinated to believe it.
Long story short, this blog is about growth (and loss : ) ), and strength and what inspires me and those that I come in contact with along the way in relation to my weight loss, my health concerns and my struggle to find the ultimate hobby to replace my soul mate.
Basically I am 37 years old and I want to find myself after all these years.
So, for the weight loss, today is day one. I don’t consider what I’m doing as a diet even though it has the extremity of one to me, compared to how I use to eat. I am going to limit my red-meat intake to once each week. Second, I am going to eat fish at least once per week and chicken once as well. I have already been doing well with fruits and veggies, but am going to amp that up as well.
What is gone? As many processed foods as possible (the more hands that touched them the worse off), fast food, added sugars and my favorite, soda.
I am also planning on working out 4 times each week for now. I am too big to commit to anything else, but the ultimate goal is to become triathlon ready (half-iron) and this 4 times a week is not going to cut it. I honestly believe I can safely lose 3 pounds a week through proper diet and exercise. In one year this adds up to 156 pounds, which puts me right at 200 pounds.
I think this is the perfect weight to train for a half-iron, giving me 6 months to ready myself. Now remember, along the way, a lot of my exercises will already be gearing m toward the tri, but the last 6 months will focus me in, including running a sprint level and a couple of 5k’, running will be my weakness.
Over the course of the next few months, I see myself upping to 6 workouts weekly and an active rest day to enjoy Vegas by hiking, rafting, boating, and walking the strip, whatever. I also see trying a plethora of hobby’s; building, painting, writing – you name it.
I hope that something along the way excites me and helps me be the entire package.
And man, I cannot wait to grow the goatee back.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010 - Day 0
I am blogging because my doctor said it will help me to be held accountable to my health. Here I am 360 pounds and that is the root of all my evil. The cause of all my unhealth. Its funny, I have always held that if i could just lose weight, I would graduate school, make more money, have more friends, etc. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. The point is that the things I want are up to me to go and get whether fat or thin, healthy or not.
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This blog is going to be about my journey to my goal. Now on FB I aimed for running a full Tri. Reality has opened my eyes and MAYBE it can happen, but I do not want to set myself up to fail. So, in November, Nevada hosts the Silverman triathlon which includes a half-Ironman which is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and a 13.1 mile run. This is my goal, to run this Tri. i will blog more about how I am going to do it, but needless to say, the first 6-8 months will be focused on getting y body ready to train for it.
I have to learn to be happy in my own skin, so I did the unthinkable, I shaved my goatee and took my before pic, so be prepared, below is the most horrific picture i have EVER allowed to be published. But its for a good cause. If I can go from being diabetic, asthmatic, heart diseased 360 pound coach potato to a triathlete in a little more than a year, anyone can and this will be my journey blog.
***warning - if you recently ate, have a weak stomach or bladder problems, please do not look at the picture of Michael the Hutt below:
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