may 12

My goal is to be the best I can be.

  If that is me at 250 pounds, 160 pounds, I will still need to learn to be happy in my own skin.

  I have certainly learned to appreciate more in this world.

  For a certainty, my illnesses have taken years off of my life – The only blessing is that Hildebrand’s seem to live a long time anyway, so maybe that’s not so bad.

  


It is true that diet, exercise, attitude, mental health and liking myself will add back some, but damage has been done and it is a face I have come to understand in a short time.

  I have diabetes, I will always have diabetes.

  I have a heart condition, I will always have a heart condition.

 

But, I believe.

Believe is a strong word, take out the letters “e” and you have blive. Blive by itself doesn’t mean much, but if you take the ‘b’ of and add ‘Ichooseto’ to the front of the word, you get ‘Ichoosetolive’, add a few spaces and finally, ‘I choose to live”. Wow, powerful, all from a belief. I can live with these illnesses and I can rock climb again, I can boat again, I can run again.  Impossible.

 

I have seen the best and worst of man in the last few days.  Two men outside, sitting on the curb of a Rebel gas station drinking from their bottles.  Shirtless, scruffy, tanned.

  Drinking and arguing about where they are going to get work.  Along came a child and I couldn’t hear what the child said, but one of the men came to his feet, yelled at the boy to go home and “ask his damn mother, I am busy’.  It broke my heart.

 

This morning, driving through a nasty part of my neighborhood I passed a Muslim woman in full burka, it was beautiful to see, flowing blue fabric.  She stood with her child and waited for the bus. You could see the strength in her, defiant even in this nasty part of town – but perhaps she has seen worse.

 

I want that strength of character. It comes from doing right all the time; that is hard to do, for sure, but we should try. I am going to try, if not for my sake, but for my kids.

 

Much love today.