20 Days to Litha and I am not sure how I want to celebrate it. i am still missing most of my ritual tools due to a thief. I need a few things first, I guess.
I want to share a story of where I have been, and what should have caused me to start this journey years ago. I was still married to Melanie and we had taken the boys to Lagoon, this was about 4 years ago this summer.
I was doing fine and in my mind felt that i had indeed gained some weight, but was nowhere near as big as my father. We lined up for a ride called the Bat. Its a suspended rollercoaster. As i get to my "seat", a large plastic and cushionoed bar between the legs and a large overhead harness that perhaps nasa has created for space walks, I have no idea of what is to come.
I pull down the harness over my head and realize, hmm, i can't seem to get this to lock. The ride attendant comes to help, and with her pressing and me pulling we still cannot get it to lock, so I had to shamefully get off the ride and see the confusion on my kids faces as to why i was not riding. Later i had to explain that daddy was too fat.
Well, a normal individual would take that as a notice to get into shape. But for us emotional eaters, this is cause to fall into our shame spiral once again. this lasted for a lot of years; I ate, I drank. I gained more weight. I probably gained the last 90 pounds I weigh after that issue.
I realize the long rode back, but then I get small victories like i did today. 4 weeks ago, i could barely go 1 mile on the exercise bike. 3 weeks ago i got it to 2 miles, but it nearly killed me. Today I did 4 miles at an easy pace, took about 20 minutes. But I did 4 miles. i had some in the gas tank still as well. I conquered what i thought I could do. Then a relaxing 10-15 minute sit in the dry sauna.
It was awesome, its these small victories which will keep me going. this weekend, I plan on doing some light hiking at Red Rock. That should be fun, I will post on that then.
See you tomorrow.
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